


New York at Christmastime

by unacaritafeliz



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: But probably just enemies to friends to crushes, Can't believe I posted this after Christmas, Christmas, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends, M/M, Oh also, Possibly enemies to friends to lovers we shall see, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-27 03:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17154869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unacaritafeliz/pseuds/unacaritafeliz
Summary: "Nurse, I don't want to go home for Christmas, alright," Dex snaps. "I'm not that poor, I could've bought a fucking ticket if I wanted one but I just don't, okay?"Dex's breathing is labored and he buries his burning face beneath his hands. He didn't mean to snap it's just... Nursey has the self awareness of a fucking lobster, and he never fucking knows when to stop pushing and he keeps worming his way into situations that have nothing to do with him and Dex just can't fucking take it anymore."Come to New York," Nursey replies.[After learning that Dex is planning to spend Christmas alone at Samwell, Nursey invites him to New York and, for some reason, Dex accepts].





	1. Christmas Eve

 

Dex wakes up to a crash and the sound of Nursey's loud swearing.

That's not so weird on it's own. What's weird is that he wakes up warm and comfortable and a lot closer to the crash than he usually is. He sits up and takes stock of his surroundings and his eyes are immediately accosted by the sheer amount of vibrant teal covering the room he's in. It's obviously Chowder's room, and Dex realises that it's Christmas Eve, and he's sleeping in Chowder's bed everyone in the Haus has gone home, except for him and the human disaster making a ruckus next door, who are both staying at Samwell over Christmas.

He knows that really should check on Nursey - there's no one else to check on him, and the dude's a danger to himself and the structural integrity of the Haus even with both arms working - but Chowder's bed is so ridiculously warm and comfortable that Dex seriously considers turning over and going back to sleep. Unfortunately, his brain conjures up the image of how sad Chowder's eyebrows would be if he came back to a dead Nursey next week and so he pulls himself out of bed and pads through the bathroom to the room next door.

Nursey's standing in the middle of the room, shirtless, with clothes strewn all around him. Looking at him, Dex is goddamn thankful he moved out of that room, for more reason than one.

"Nurse, what the fuck are you doing?" he asks.

Nursey jumps, hitting his head on the bottom of the top bunk. Dex isn't really sure why the bunkbeds are still there, but Nursey hasn't changed the layout of the room since he moved out four months ago. He suspects it has something to do with how often the taddies and waffles sleeps over.

"Oh, shit, were you sleeping in C's room?" Nursey asks, with a total absence of chill. "I'm so sorry, dude, I thought you were downstairs. I'll be quieter, promise."

Dex rolls his eyes but resists the urge to comment about how Nursey couldn't be quiet if he tried. They're apparently stuck here alone together for the next few days and it's Christmas, he might as well try and... not be a total asshole about everything.

"It's okay," Dex says. He glances at his bed, well, at the bottom bunk that used to be his bed, where most of Nursey's clothes lie in a pile. "What are you doing?"

Nursey looks a little sheepish, but seems to make an effort to find his chill. "I put my suitcase on the top shelf in the cupboard when we moved in," he says. "I thought I could get it down with one arm but..."

Nursey trails off and gestures at the suitcase on the floor of their room that Dex hadn't noticed before. He remembers looking at how stupidly it was stacked in their cupboard at the beginning of the year. He can't believe that Nursey's so stubborn that he tried to get that thing down on his own when he could have just asked Dex for help.

"Wait!" Dex says, as the reason Nursey needs his suitcase finally dawns on him. "Are you going home?"

"Uh, yeah," says Nursey.

Dex can't help the disappointment that settles in him at the news. Nursey hadn't been his first choice to spend the holidays with (or his second, third, or tenth, actually), but he's still been someone, another living, breathing soul under the same roof, and a distraction from the fact he hadn't gone home for the holidays. Dex had been grateful Nursey was staying.

Figures Nursey would ruin that.

"Oh," Dex says, hoping he doesn't sound as disappointed as he feels. "C told me you weren't going home this year."

"Yeah, well originally my moms we're going to come out here because my sister couldn't get time off work and Ma doesn't believe I can take a train one handed," Nursey complains, as if he hadn't nearly destroyed the Haus trying to get his suitcase down. "But my sister actually managed to get three days off, so she's driving us both up so we can hang out with our dad's family and our grandparents."

"Oh, okay," Dex says, a little numb. "Uh, do you need me to get you anything else? Don't want you breaking the Haus any more than you already have."

The chirp falls flat. Nursey sighs.

"Nah," Nursey says, turning to the bunk beds and grabbing the green SnapBack off the top bunk. He puts it on the bottom bunk and starts pulling socks from the pile on his bed. "You should start packing for your own trip home. When are you leaving?"

"Oh," Dex says, still trying to process the fact he's gonna be alone at Christmas and it's entirely his fault. "I'm not."

He immediately wants to throw himself off the reading room. It would have been so easy to lie, to pretend he'd be leaving in the afternoon, any time after Nursey left, he could've played his social media right so that Nursey would never know - but his brain was just too slow to function.

Nursey spins back around. "What?" he asks.

"I've gotta be back on campus on the 27th for work," Dex says, which is actually true. "Didn't really want to spend the petrol money to head back to Maine for such a short amount of time."

The second part is less true, but Dex figures Nursey doesn't need to know that.

"But it's Christmas," says Nursey, frowning. "You're gonna be here on your own?"

Dex bitterly thinks that it's Nursey's fault that he's going to be alone and then immediately feels guilty. He knows that Nursey doesn't owe him anything. Just because Dex won't go home doesn't mean Nursey shouldn't.

"It's okay," Dex says. "Maybe I'll be able to do some Haus repairs while you're all gone."

Nursey stares at him, eyebrows furrowed, for an almost unnerving amount of time. He moves his gaze to his bedside table and pulls his phone off the charger. "Let me buy you a ticket back home," he says. "I'm sure there are still some seats on the amtrack from Boston."

Dex feels his face heat up. This is not what he wanted.

"No, Nurse, I don't..." he starts.

"Consider it a Christmas gift," Nursey says, still scrolling. "For like, the last three years combined."

The word no echoes in Dex's head on repeat, becoming increasingly frantic with each repetition.

"That's real generous, Nursey, but..." Dex says.

"Please, Dex," Nursey says, glancing up over the top of his phone, his green eyes wide and earnest. "I'm going to feel guilty if I leave you alone all Christmas and my Mama is going to murder me when she finds out and..."

"Nurse, I don't want to go home, alright," Dex snaps. "I'm not that poor, I could've bought a fucking ticket if I wanted one but I just don't, okay?"

Dex's breathing is labored and he buries his burning face in his hands. He didn't mean to snap it's just... Nursey has the self awareness of a fucking lobster, and he never fucking knows when to stop pushing and he keeps worming his way into situations that have nothing to do with him and Dex just can't fucking take it anymore.

Nursey's silent for such a long time and Dex thinks he might actually let this drop for once. Dex slides his face out of his hands and takes a deep breath, suddenly ashamed of his behaviour.

"I'm sorry," he says, addressing the crack in the floor where the dib-flip coin still resides instead of his d-man. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"Come to New York," Nursey replies.

Dex's eyes snap up to Nursey's and jolts when he sees how focused and serious he is.

"What?" Dex asks.

"Come to New York with me," Nursey says, as if its really that easy.

Dex shakes his head, frowning. He's so confused. "What?" he says.

Nursey blinks, his eyes becoming less sure. His head hasn't moved, it's still facing towards Dex, but Dex is certain that he's not really looking at him anymore.

"I mean, it's not ideal," Nursey says. "We don't have a guest room so you'll have to share with me, and, like, my family can kind of be a lot sometimes, I guess, especially for someone who thinks I'm annoying but... I don't know. It's Christmas, man. You shouldn't be alone."

Dex can't find any words, in English or Gaelic, to express how he feels. The closest he can find is awed, amazed, touched, that even after everything they've been through, everything he's put Nursey through over the last six months, that Nursey would still offer him something like that just so he's not alone over the holidays.

"That's crazy," Dex says.

As usual, his mouth has decided to say the worst possibility his brain offered. Nursey's shoulders sag as his gaze moves firmly to the roof. "Yeah, you're right," he says. "Just forget it. Shitty and Lardo might still be in Boston, actually, maybe you could..."

"No, Nurse," Dex interrupts, unwilling to be misinterpreted this time. "I mean, it's crazy you'd even ask me, after... you know."

Nursey shrugs, in a way that Dex supposes implies that it's chill. "You're my partner," Nursey says. "I've got your back."

Dex swallows. He stares at Nursey, wondering if he's finally seeing what Chowder, and Bitty and Ford see, if he's finally seeing Nursey for the first time. "Okay," he finds himself says.

Nursey's eyes refocus on him. "Okay?" Nursey asks.

"Yeah, okay," Dex repeats. "I'll come to New York with you, if you'll have me."

Nursey smiles, the kind of soft, fond smiles he usually reserves for when Hops is being, well, Hops. "Of course we'll have you, brah," says Nursey. "Pack your stuff, Farrah will be here in like an hour."

* * *

Dex's bag is packed - a little too full for a two night stay, but Dex doesn't know what a Nurse family Christmas looks like and he's too shy to go back upstairs and ask - and he's looking through his underwear drawer for his emergency cash when there's a knock on the basement door. He frowns, confused because Nursey's never respected his privacy down here before - although, to be fair, he does have the right to access the washer and dryer whenever he likes - but he quickly runs up the stairs to open the door.

The girl on the other side is decidedly not Derek Nurse.

She looks similar though. She's got the same sharp cheekbones and the same long nose, even if she's got a dark cluster of freckles across hers. Even her eyes, despite being a cool, dark brown, have the exact same intensity that Nursey's mossy green ones do when he's fighting with Dex.

"Poindexter," she says. Even her accent is similar to Nursey's, a strong New York accent with just a hint of Boston. She can't be much older than he is, but her tone makes Dex feel like he's been called to the Principal's office.

"You must be... Farrah," he says. He's at least 90% sure that's Nursey's sisters name. "It's nice to meet you. Thanks so much for letting me come to Christmas with you."

"Look," Farrah says, her voice chilly. She doesn't correct him on her name, so Dex assumes he's right. "I'm not going to pretend to like you. You've hurt my baby brother multiple times and, from what I hear, you're not really sorry about it. But Derek is a saint and a martyr apparently and he wants you to come home with us for Christmas so whatever, you can come. But I'm telling you right now, If you say one mean thing to him this trip I am abandoning your ass and you can find your own way home, okay?"

Dex blinks. There's a lot to take in there, including the fact that Nursey's apparently told his sister about Dex and she hates him because of it. Dex knows he and Nursey don't get on, but he's never dragged his family into it. He suddenly feels like going to New York is a bad idea; who knows what Nursey's told the rest of his family about Dex.

"Maybe I should just stay here," Dex suggests.

Farrah raises an eyebrow at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her eyebrows are completely different to Nursey's, but Dex isn't sure if either of their eyebrows are their natural shape so it probably doesn't count. "Really?" she asks, her voice harsh and unimpressed. "It's so hard for you to be nice to Derek for three days that you'd rather stay here by yourself than attempt it."

Dex feels his face heat. Why can't he ever say anything right?

"No!" he exclaims. "That's not what I meant, I just..."

Farrah stares at him. Dex sighs.

"I'll be good to him," Dex says. "I promise."

Farrah stares at him for a few more moments before her eyebrows fall back into place. "Good," she says, nodding at him once.

"Thanks for driving me," Dex says, quietly. "And letting me crash your Christmas."

Farrah rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," she says. "You all packed?"

"Almost," Dex says, "I just need to find... something."

Farrah raises an eyebrow at him. Whatever she's imagining is probably worse than the emergency stash of money Dex is too ashamed to admit to having, but he makes no moves to clear up her confusion. Eventually she must decide she doesn't want to know, because she sighs and shakes her head.

"Whatever, bring your bag up whenever you're ready," she says. "I'm going to go get Derek's bag down from his room. We'll meet you out front in five."

She turns on her heel and walks off. Her heels clacking against the floor of the living room.

"Do you need any help getting his bag down?" Dex calls after her.

"I've got it!" Farrah calls over her shoulder. Dex can't see her face, but he knows she's rolling her eyes at him.

Dex runs down the basement stairs to his room and dumps the entire contents of his underwear drawer on the bed, desperate to find his stash of cash as soon as possible, before either he or the Nurse siblings change their minds. He finds his money and throws it into his bag, quickly throws his underwear back into the drawer, and grabs his bag and goes outside.

There's a hatchback sitting outside the Haus.

He's, well... He's surprised. It's the kind of car his aunts drive, only slightly newer. He'd been expecting a Ferarri, or a Mercedes, or anything flashier than what he's used to back home. The Nurse family is loaded, aren't they? Nursey certainly has enough money to spend on whatever and whomever he likes. Don't rich people usually love driving flashy cars?

"I totally could have carried that," Nursey says behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Dex turns around to see Nursey and Farrah coming out the door, Farrah with Nursey's suitcase hefted over her shoulder and Nurse pushing at her with his good arm. They're both laughing, nearly identical smiles on their faces. Dex suddenly feels like he's intruding.

"Hey, man, you ready?" Nursey asks, nudging Dex's shoulder with his.

"I, uh..." Dex hesitates. Maybe it's a bad idea to impose himself on Nursey's family during Christmas.

"Get in the car, Poindexter," Farrah says. Her voice leaves no room for arguments. She grabs Dex's bag from his limp hand and throws it into her trunk. She shuts the boot with a bang.

"Uh, yeah, okay," he says, dumbly. He climbs in the backseat. Moments later, Farrah climbs in the drivers seat and Nursey drops into the passenger seat.

"Baby, can you put on the Christmas singalong playlist?" Farrah asks, passing Nursey her phone as she tugs her seatbelt on. "I've been waiting all day to listen to it."

Nursey glances back at Dex. "Uh, maybe we can listen to it later?" he suggests.

"Derek," Farrah starts firmly, as she starts the car.

"I'm up for a Christmas singalong," Dex says.

Nursey twists around in seat and raises an eyebrow, which is honestly fair. Dex has never responded well to team singalongs, and, honestly, being stuck in a closed space for several hours while Nursey sings loudly to cheesy Christmas music is high on the list of places Dex doesn't want to be. But he's already imposing on the Nurse family enough, the least he can do is let them sing in the car home.

"We're pretty loud," Nursey warns. "And we're not exactly the best singers."

"Speak for yourself," Farrah mutters.

"I've known Holster for two and a half years," Dex says. "I can deal with loud and bad singing."

"Objection," Nursey says, indignant. "Holtzy has a good voice."

"Adam?" Farrah asks. Nursey makes a confirming sound. "Yeah, man, dude can sing."

Dex groans. "Oh my God, whatever," he says. "Just put the goddamn music on."

"You gonna sing for me, Poindexter?" he asks.

Dex feels his face heat up. "Consider it an early Christmas gift."

Farrah leaves the Samwell Campus right as Nursey starts the playlist. Ariana Grande's voice fills the enclosed car space. Farrah starts singing loudly, Nursey singing softly along with her under his breath.

It's going to be a long trip home.

* * *

The drive is... honestly not awful as Dex was expecting. Nursey takes a long time to get comfortable, and Dex has to get really into the first few songs just to get Nursey to drop his chill facade and actually sing, but soon enough, Derek and Farrah are screaming along to music, loud and off-key and completely carefree, and Dex can go back to quietly singing along, instead of making a production out of it.

It's almost nice to see Nursey like this, Dex thinks. He's clearly accepted that Dex is going to see him and seems to have somehow turned off the part of his brain that cares about how he's perceived. It's probably the closest to the real Derek Nurse that Dex has ever seen and he's actually being fun.

They've been driving for about two hours when the playlist fades out. Nursey glances back at Dex, chill already settling into his expression.

"That's the end of the playlist," he says.

"Shame," Dex says, trying to make it sound sarcastic as possible. He'd never admit it out loud, but he can't deny that he's genuinely a little disappointed at the return of Nursey's chill.

"Probably means it's time to stop," Farrah says. "There's a rest-stop here where we can take a break. Is that okay with everyone?"

Dex nods. "If you like I can take a turn driving when we get back on the road," he offers.

Through the rear view mirror he can see Farrah purse her lips together. She glances at her brother and back at the road. She says something in a rapid stream of a foreign language.

Nursey snorts, and then replies to her in a perfect, unbroken stream of whatever language their speaking. Dex stares at him in shock. Being bilingual seems like the exact kind of thing Nursey would brag about, but Dex has never heard him mention it in the entire two and a half years they've been linemates.

Farrah says something else and Nursey turns in his seat to face Dex.

"My sister wants to know if you know how to not get us stopped by police," he says.

Dex feels his anger flare up, offended that Nursey and his sister would suggest for even one moment that he couldn't drive safely properly, but there's something in Nursey's expression that makes him pause. He suddenly remembers a conversation he overheard between Nursey and Ransom on the reading roof last year and realises that getting stopped by the police does not mean the same thing to Derek and Farrah Nurse as it does to him.

"I'll be careful," he says. "Promise."

Farrah pulls up into a car space and puts the car in park. She turns around in her seat, looking at Dex. Dex has the uncomfortable, if completely nonsensical, feeling that she's looking straight into his soul. He can feel his cheeks heating up from the attention.

"Okay," Farrah says, finally. "It'd be great if you could drive for a bit. I'm just gonna grab some crisps and a drink, anyone want anything?"

Dex shakes his head, but Nursey says, "I'll come with you." The three of them get out of the car.

"Sure you don't want anything, Poindexter?" Nursey asks.

"Nah," Dex says. "I'll stay out here with the car."

Nursey nods at him, and follows after his sister. Dex leans against the car and pulls his phone out, going through his notifications. Bitty's sent several pictures of his holiday baking to the wider team group chat, Chowder and Caitlin have spammed the Frogs chat with their #WestCoastBestCoast pics and he's got three missed call from PJ.

He ignores the missed calls and switches over to Twitter, scrolling mindlessly through his feed. Something inside of him is restless, still not sure he made the right choice coming with Nursey. He reasons that Nursey and Farrah seem to still be enjoying their road trip even with his company and the fact that, well, anything's better than staying at the Haus with only Chowder's stuffed shark and the gross green couch for company for Christmas.

"Here," says Nursey, snapping Dex out of his thoughts. Dex hadn't even noticed him walking back to the car. He holds out a Powerade to Dex.

"What's this?" Dex asks.

"It's called a Powerade," Nursey explains slowly, as if he's speaking to a child. Dex is going to kill him. "People drink it."

"I don't want it," Dex says, cheeks heating up. It's bad enough that Nursey's taking him home for Christmas, he doesn't have to add insult to injury by buying him things he doesn't need as well. His bottle of water is still half full, and it's not even hot out; he can definitely make it last until they get to New York.

"They had two for one on Powerade," Nursey says, completely seriously.

"So give it to Farrah," Dex suggests.

"She doesn't drink Powerade," Nursey says.

"So just keep it and drink it tomorrow," Dex suggests.

Nursey sighs. "Just take the fucking Powerade, Poindexter," he says.

Nursey's face looks so resigned, that Dex holds out a hand and takes it. Nursey's face brightens and he fishes a pack of Doritos out of his bag, holding it out to Dex.

"Two for one on Doritos too?" Dex asks.

"Yep," Nursey says.

Dex sighs. He takes the packet from Nursey's fingers. "Thanks, man," he mumbles, more to the chips than to Nurse.

"You're welcome," Nursey says, leaning against the car.

They stand there for a moment in silence except for the occasional russle of a packet or crunch of a chip. It's almost companionable, but Dex has never really been calm enough for companionable silences. He's always looking for a way to break it, just so he can stop worrying about what the other person is thinking of him.

"So, uh, what language were you and Farrah speaking back then?" Dex asks.

Nursey raises an eyebrow. He must be surprised that Dex is making small talk. Dex sticks a Dorito in his mouth and tries to look as earnest as possible.

"Spanish," Nursey says, eventually. "Our stepmom is Chilean, and like, she speaks English and everything, she's super fluent now, but she used to be more comfortable in Spanish so we learned it for her."

Nursey shrugs like it's a totally chill thing to master an entire other language for someone, like Dex didn't suffer all through his childhood and teenage years trying to learn enough Gaelic to keep his Gram happy.

"Is she your mom's wife or your dad's?" Dex asks, mostly to distract his mind from thinking about Gram. It does occurs to him, though, that despite the fact he knows Nursey's parents always come down for parents weekend, he's never met them, and he has no idea who's house he's going to be walking into in a few hours. The only thing he really knows is that Nursey seems to have a lot of moms.

"She's my Ma's wife," Nursey says. "Papa isn't remarried, but he's girlfriend. She's Chinese, if you were wondering."

Dex was wondering, but he knows it probably wouldn't reflect well on him to admit it.

"So you speak Chinese too, then?" He jokes.

"Nah," Nursey says, completely seriously. "I'm learning though."

Dex nearly chokes on his Powerade. "Really?" he asks.

"Chyeah," Nursey says. "I'm mostly learning for her kids, so they have people to practice with and don't lose their cultural heritage. I've got this podcast I'm listening to? And C helps me out a lot as well."

And that's weird, because Dex spends a lot of time with Nursey and Chowder together and he's never once heard them speak anything but English.

"Oh, that's really cool," Dex says, and he means it. He's genuinely impressed that Nursey cares enough about his family to learn entire new languages for them.

"Like you're not fluent in Gaelic," Nursey says. He bumps his shoulder against Dex's. Dex bumps back, and purposefully doesn't inform him that Dex is mediocre at best when it comes to Gaelic.

"Sorry, I took so long," Farrah says, showing up with a bag of crisps and a bottle of... Red Powerade? "The line for the ladies was so long. Shall we get going?"

"Yep," Nursey says. "You want the passenger seat?"

"Nah," Farrah says, unlocking the car and opening the back door. "I wanna try and sleep on the way, I'll take the back."

Farrah tosses her keys to Dex and crawls in. Dex walks around to the drivers seat and climbs in. The seat is far too close to the wheel, and he looks around for a lever to push it back. There's a button on the side of the door with an arrow on it. He presses it and the seat glides back.

How pointless, he thinks. Fancy cars are so extra.

He buckles up his seatbelt. "Two for one on Powerade that your sister won't drink?" Dex mutters to Nursey.

"Yep," Nursey says, brightly.

Dex turns the car on and it gently rumbles to life under him. It already feels so much smoother than his truck and he hasn't even driven it anywhere.

"Driver picks the music," Nursey says, as Dex shifts the car into drive and starts moving.

Dex thinks about how happy Nursey looked singing along with Farrah. "Do you have another Christmas singalong playlist?" he asks.

"Nah, it's okay," Nursey protests. "We don't have to listen to any more Christmas music, we've done enough."

"Do you have any more?" Dex asks, pulling out of the rest station car park.

"Yes," Nursey admits.

"Put it on," Dex says. Nursey hesitates. "Now, please, Nurse."

"You liked it," Nursey accuses.

Dex knows that Nursey is probably referring to the music, and not his carefree singing and dancing, but Dex can't help the embarrassed flush that rises to his face.

"Lies and slander," Dex mutters.

Nursey moves in Dex's peripheral vision and Mariah Carey's voice fills the car. Dex pulls onto the motorway, and starts driving towards New York.

* * *

 

Farrah's asleep in the backseat when they get into the city - she's wearing noise cancelling headphones to block out the noise Nursey and Dex were making - and neither Dex or Nursey have the heart to wake her up. Instead, Nursey turns the music down and guides Dex to his mom's brownstone.

"So, uh, your mom knows I'm coming, right?" says Dex.

Nursey shrugs. "I mean, I called her but she was in a meeting," he says. "But I left a voicemail that she's probably listened to by now. Left turn coming up.... Now. But Mami definitely knows. And my grandparents do too, so they'll be enough food for you. Right turn coming up. Did I tell you my grandparent's live with us? Okay, dude, turn now."

Dex turns. "I didn't know you lived with your grandparents," he says. He didn't know any rich people lived with their grandparents. He lives with his, but he definitely wouldn't if they could afford not to. "How old are they?"

"Like, seventy?" Nursey says. Dex really doesn't think that's old enough for them to not be independent. "They were like twenty when Ma was born. It's the next right after this one. They moved in after the divorce and have stayed with us ever since. They're awesome though, bro, you'll love them."

Dex frowns. It's not that he's worried that he won't like Nursey's family. Mostly he's worried that Nursey's family won't like him, and he's come all this way just to ruin their family Christmas.

"Are we nearly there?" he asks, instead of saying any of that.

"Chyeah," Nursey says. "It's just around the corner. Okay, next left."

Dex turns left, onto a street lined with beautiful old Brownstones and big trees. It's looks like something out of a fairytale, and Dex honestly can't believe that Nursey and Farrah grew up here. It's a completely different world from the street he grew up on.

"You see that empty spot on the right there?" Nursey asks. Dex nods, numbly. "That's us, just pull right up there."

Dex manouvers into the, admittedly small, parking space. He looks up at the huge brownstone next to him and swallows. He's intimidated; that's the only word he can think of that comes even close to describing his feelings.

"Hey, chill," says Nursey, resting his hand on Dex's leg. He's remarkably perceptive when he wants to be. "It's not Buckingham Palace in there. You're gonna be okay."

Before Dex can respond, Nursey's moved his hand is now using it to poke Farrah in the leg, twisted around in his chair. "Yo, wake up, Sleeping Beauty," he says.

Farrah blinks herself awake, looking soft and sleepy in the backseat. "What is it, Baby?" she asks. She sits up and looks out the window. "We're here?" she asks.

"Yes, Dex and I managed to find it," Nursey says. "Occasionally, men are not entirely useless,"

Dex snorts. Sometimes he forgets that under the layers of fake-chill and dumb-ass, Derek Nurse is actually funny.

"I'll get the bags," Dex says, swinging out of the car. He walks to the boot and pulls the bags out.

"Thanks, Dexy," Farrah says, swiping the keys out of Dex's hand as she pulls her own bag onto her shoulder. "Can you get Derek's bag?"

Dex nods, swinging Nursey's bag onto his shoulder and picking up his own. He follows Nursey and Farrah up the stairs. Farrah pushes the door open.

"We're home," she calls.

Nursey's moms and grandparents were evidently waiting for their arrival, because they're all sitting in the room waiting. They all jump to their feet and run to embrace Nursey and Farrah, voices, speaking in English and Spanish, overlapping and interrupting each other. The word 'Baby' gets tossed around a lot, and Nursey's grandma takes a big interest in touching Nursey's cast and then his cheek, looking completely concerned for her grandson.

It's all a bit overwhelming for Dex. They're a lot smaller than the Poindexter clan he'd have to face back home, but the love in this room is more than Dex has felt back home in Maine for many years.

Suddenly, there's a hand on his arm. He turns to see Nursey's Ma, a small woman with the same cheekbones and curly black hair as her children. Her nose is small and upturned; the long nose must be from the Nurse side of the family.

"You must be Will," she says. "I'm Amina. Welcome to our home."

"Thank you," Dex says. "It's really nice of you all to let me into your home on Christmas."

"Of course," she says. "Any friend of Derek's is always welcome."

She says it a little pointed, like she knows exactly what kind of history he has with her son, and she hasn't quite forgiven him for it. He must look uncomfortable because she pats his hand gently, almost as if she's taking pity on him.

"Baby?" she calls.

Nursey turns around to look at her. "Yeah, ma?" he asks.

"Your friend is tired," she says. "Can you take him upstairs?"

"Sure," Nursey says. "Grab my bag, Poindexter?"

Dex does and follows Nursey up the stairs. He takes the opportunity to look at the rooms he's passing through. They're well furnished, but a lot simpler than Dex was expecting. The Nurse family home doesn't look like the home of people who have more money than they know what to do with, it just looks like the home of people who have enough money to do whatever they like.

It's still more money than Dex will probably ever see in his life, considering he's not good enough to play in the NHL.

"Bathrooms on the right," Nursey says, walking accross the upstairs hallway. "And my room is just through here. It's a little small, and I've only got one bed, but it's only for two nights so I hope it's okay."

The room they stop in is, admittedly, a bit crowded. There's a Queen bed in the middle, big enough that he should be able to sleep without touching Nursey, plus a warddrobe on one side and an overflowing bookshelf on the other and little to no walking room anywhere else.

"It's okay, right?" Nursey asks.

"It's fine, Nurse," Dex says. "More than fine. Much better than an empty Haus. Thank you, for letting me stay."

It comes out a lot more vulnerable than he wants it to. Luckily, Nursey just nods at him, instead of making a big deal out of it, like he does about literally anything else.

"I'm going to go back downstairs," Nursey says. "You want to come?"

Dex thinks of the loud, pressing family downstairs and barely suppresses a shudder.

"I, uh, I think I need a minute." he says.

"Chill," Nursey says. "Come down when you're ready."

* * *

Dex stays in the room for about half an hour, mindlessly scrolling through his phone, before he feels calm enough ready to come down. He heads to the bathroom and washes his face before starting his journey downstairs.

On the staircase, he runs into Nursey's stepmom, an intimidating tall lady with long dark hair cascading down to her waist and dark red lipstick.

"Hello!" she greets, brightly. "You must be William. I am Paloma."

She says his name strangely, placing the emphasis on the second syllable instead of the first, but her voice is so melodious that Dex can't bring himself to mind.

"Hi," Dex says, awkwardly. "It's so nice of you to have me in your home."

"Of course!" she says. "The more the merrier, especially at Christmas. Derek tells me that you're a Catholic?"

"I, uh, I," Dex stutters. "My parents are Catholic?"

Paloma quirks one of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows at him. Dex wonders if it's a trait she picked up from her stepkids or if she's the one who taught it to them.

"Okay," she says, pronouncing each syllable strongly. "I respect the Muslim faith so much, but sometimes it's hard being the only Christian around, especially during the holidays! Do you go to midnight mass? I go every Christmas Eve, you're welcome to come with me!"

Dex blinks at her. She speaks fast, with a slight Chilean accent, but he doesn't have trouble discerning her words. It's the meaning that he's having trouble processing.

"You're Catholic?" Dex asks.

Paloma smiles at him. "I'm Chilean," she says. "Of course I am Catholic."

Dex frowns, his eyes ducking to the family photograph hanging on the wall behind her, where she's smiling with her arms wrapped around Amina. "But you're..." Dex starts, before realising that he probably shouldn't finish that sentence.

Paloma glances over her shoulder and looks back at him. Her easy smile from before is gone.

"A bisexual?" She asks, calmly. If she were Nursey, she'd probably be screaming at him by now, but Paloma is not her stepson. Dex nods uncomfortably. "A person can be both, William."

Dex shakes his head, aware that his body is shaking slightly too. "No one taught me," he says.

"What?" Paloma asks.

"No one taught me how to be both," Dex says.

Paloma's face goes soft in a minute. "Oh," she says. "Oh, mijo."

Dex can't help it. He breaks.

Paloma steps closer to him and wraps her arms tightly around his shoulders, gently herding him down the stairs and into an adjacent room, shutting it behind her. She wraps her arms tightly around his waist. Dex chokes on a sob as he wraps his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. She smells like flowers and her skin is so warm.

"It's okay," she says. "You're okay. I've got you. Breathe with me, okay, William?"

Dex nods and listens to Paloma's exaggerated breathing and tries to match his to hers. It takes a while, but eventually he works out how to count the rhythm of her breathing, and his own breathing evens out. He takes a step back from her and wipes at his eyes, his face heating up in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," he says, sitting down on the couch. His voice comes out scratchy and gross. "This is so embarrassing, oh my god."

"Don't apologise, honey," Paloma insists, sitting next to him. She takes his hand in both of hers. She really is so warm. "It's okay."

"My, uh...," Dex says, staring at their hands. He doesn't know what to say, how to even begin saying this to her. "I..."

"It's okay," Paloma says again. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

It's crazy because he knows that, and he's literally just met Paloma three seconds ago, but he's going to tell her everything anyway. He doesn't know why, maybe because he's so emotional, or maybe because he needs to justify his crying, or maybe it's just because Paloma seems so safe and motherly - all he knows is that the words are bubbling up inside of him, unable to be contained.

"I told my parents I had to work through Christmas. I just... I didn't want to go back there. My parent's aren't like super homophobic or whatever, but they don't really understand it. And my extended family is worse. The things they say are so terrible I just don't want to go back and listen to that again. My parents might stop them if they knew, but I... I can't risk..."

He's started crying again, which is dumb and bad. He angrily wipes at his eyes. Paloma doesn't say anything, just moves closer and wraps her arms around him again.

"It's dumb for me to care about what they think so much," Dex says. "Either they accept me, or they don't. It's not like I can change who I am for them."

Paloma runs her hands gently up and down his arms. Dex takes a shuddering breath and tries to calm down again.

"My mom lives in Chile," Paloma says, softly. "I've called her every week since I moved to the States. I didn't tell her about Amina until we'd been married for a year and a half."

"Really?" he asks.

"I love Amina more than anything, and Derek and Farrah just as much, and I hid them from my own mother for nearly two years," she says. She shakes her head and sighs. "Coming out is hard, mijo. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Thank you," Dex says. "I, uh... thank you."

"It's okay," Paloma says, and for the first time, Dex feels like it is.

"I don't think I'm ready to go for mass today," he says, with a wet laugh.

Paloma laughs, softly, and brushes his hair with her hand. "That's okay," she says. "But honey, you feel free to talk to me whenever you want, okay? About anything you want to talk about. I'll give you my number. And maybe you can come to mass with me next Christmas."

Dex shivers at the thought of being back here next year. He doesn't know what's more overwhelming - the thought of not going home again or the thought of making Christmas with Nursey's family a thing^tm.

"Uh, thanks," he says. "I, uh, might take you up on that talk, sometime."

"Of course," Paloma says. She leans forward and kisses his forehead, and he shuts his eyes and exhales.

"I should go check on how dinner is going," she says, standing up. "Come through whenever you're ready, William."

"Okay," Dex agrees. "And, uh, Paloma? Nursey, Derek, he, uh, doesn't know that I'm... I've never really told anyone else before."

Paloma nods at him, seriously. "Okay," she says. "You're secret is safe with me. But for what it's worth, Derek is a good listener, and he's very good at keeping secrets. You can trust him, if you like."

Dex nods. Nursey's definitely not the first person he'd come out to - Bitty's held that post from the moment he realised he was bisexual, and Shitty isn't too far behind - but he knows that Nursey's a person he'd want to trust with this someday, which is ridiculous because he couldn't even stand to be around Nursey six months ago.

Paloma smiles at him before she closes the door behind her.

* * *

“Hey, there you are, Dex,” Nursey says when he finally makes it to the kitchen. Nursey's standing next to the stove, wearing in a god awful Kiss The Cook apron, stirring something. “Did you meet everyone yet? Everyone, this is Will, my teammate from Samwell.”

Nursey's grandparents are both sitting at the table. Paloma is standing at the counter, folding some things together and winks at him when he glances at her. Dex tries to pay attention to them, but he's a little bit distracted by his conversation with Paloma and with the fact that Nursey apparently cooks when he's at home. He's banned from the house kitchen! How is he cooking?

“Is he the baker?” Nursey's grandfather asks.

Nursey laughs. “No, Grandpa, Bitty is the baker,” he says. “But Will isn't too bad, actually. He makes a ridiculously good rhubarb pie.”

“I can make you some tomorrow,” Dex offers, flushing under the attention. “Theres not enough time now, and I'd have to get the ingredients, but I'm happy to help with dinner prep now.”

“Such a sweet boy,” Nursey's grandmother says, smiling at him. “Dinner is nearly ready, but you can help me serve this food onto plates.”

She gets off her chair and moves to a cupboard, pulling serving plates out and passing them to Dex. He stacks them neatly on the table.

“Give this bowl to Baby for the meat?” she asks. “And then you can put the rice in here, and then the greens in this one. Paloma, you can stack the empanadas on this platter.”

Dex hands the bowl to Nursey, he's not sure why his family calls him Baby, but he's not about to ask him in front of everyone, and works on scooping the rice.

“Not your usual Christmas Eve dinner, is it, son?” Nursey's grandfather asks.

Dex glances around at the meat Nursey's cooking on the stove, the rice in the cooker, the greens frying gently on the stove, and the empanadas Paloma is apparently folding. He shakes his head. He wasn't expecting Christmas ham or anything (definitely not in a Muslim house), but this isn't like any Christmas Eve dinner the Poindexters have ever put together.

“Multicultural household,” Nursey explains. He's transferring the meat into the serving dish. “Hope it's okay.”

Dex wishes Nursey would stop asking him that. It makes him feel like Nursey is afraid of him.

"More than okay," he says. He makes eye contact with Nursey across the kitchen. Nursey's eyes look so vulnerable. He sends Nursey what he hopes is a reassuring smile. Nursey weakly smiles back.

Dex doesn't think he could break eye contact if he tried.

"So what do you study, Will?" Nursey's grandfather asks.

"Oh, uh, computer science," Dex says, snapped out of his trance. He goes back to scooping the rice into the bowl he was given. "But I'm taking some statistics courses too, as a backup."

"Statistics and computer sciences?" Nursey's grandfather repeats. "He'd be a good fit for your business, isn't it, Paloma?"

"Si," Paloma says. "I run a company that specialises in delivering automated data analysis. You could work for me someday, William."

Dex thinks about how his first interaction with Paloma involved him coming out to her and ugly crying. He probably won't ever work for her company. He'll probably just be embarrassed for the rest of his life.

Paloma puts the empanada she's folding onto the baking sheet in front of her and moves to put the tray in the oven. "Twenty minutes until dinner!" she calls.

"Perfect," Farrah says, walking into the kitchen. She's changed into an objectively awful red sweater, and put tinsel in her hair. "I'll set the table."

"Thanks, Farita," Paloma says. "When you're done, can you go grab your Ma down from her study?"

"And change your jumper," Nursey adds. "You look awful."

"Just trying to make you feel better about your unfortunate face," Farrah throws back, as she pulls plates and cutlery out from the drawer.

Dex snorts. It's funny, even if it's not true. He's known that Nursey's had a good face before he even knew that boy's faces were something he was interested in.

"Be nice to your sister, Baby," Nursey's grandma says. "It's Christmas."

"Yes, Grandma," Nursey says.

Farrah sticks her tongue out at him behind their grandparents back.

Dex scoops the last green vegetable in the bowl. "Where shall I put the rice and greens?" Dex asks.

"On the table," Nursey says. "Come, I'll show you."

Nursey grabs his meat dish with his one good hand - Dex is sure he's going to drop it, but no one else seems to care so he lets it go - and Dex grabs the rice and greens and they walk into the dining room where a big wooden table is. Farrah's set the table for seven, with matching plates and cutlery and cloth napkins. It's beautiful.

"So you can cook," Dex says, as they put the dishes in the center.

Nursey grins. "Don't tell the Haus," he says. "I like not having to cook in the Haus."

Dex rolls his eyes. "Guess that all depends on whether or not your food is any good," he says. "I won't tell anyone if it's awful and I never want to taste it again."

Nursey smirks. "Just you wait, Poindexter," he says. "My food is amazing."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Dex sits down to Christmas dinner with Nursey's family. Nursey and Farrah delay the meal by ten minutes trying to take photos for their Instagram - intentionally messing up each other's shots and yelling at each other when the favour is returned. Paloma says grace. Amina kisses Paloma softly before eating, like it's the easiest thing in the world. Dex tastes some of the most amazing food he's ever had in his life.

Nursey's fried meat is incredible.

He's definitely telling the Haus.

* * *

 

  
Nursey's parents and grandparents go upstairs after dinner, leaving Dex to join Nursey and Farrah in their Christmas movie marathon. Farrah and Nursey curl up together on the couch, and Dex sits in the armchair opposite, all covered by an insane amount of pillows and blankets. They start with The Santa Clause (Farrah’s favourite), then the Muppet Christmas Carol (Nursey's favourite, apparently) and then deteriorate into Netflix specials. Nursey and Farrah soundly abuse the ‘Straight White People Fall In Love At Christmastime’ plotline.

Dex quietly agrees with them.

“Merry Christmas,” says Paloma walking through the door. Dex checks his watch, it’s 1:30. She must have just gotten back from mass.

“Merry Christmas,” Dex greets her.

“Merry Christmas, Mami,” Farrah says, softly.

Nursey says nothing. Dex looks over to see him asleep, his head resting on his sister’s legs. Paloma smiles at him fondly.

“Baby,” she says, gently, putting a hand in Nursey’s hair. “Time for bed.”

“I’m awake,” Nursey grumbles, snuggling further into Farrah. “Merry Christmas, Mami.”

He’s adorable, Dex thinks, and then immediately squashes the thought. Nursey's not adorable, he's annoying, and infuriating. Dex is just feeling indebted to him because he's given Dex a goo Christmas. That's it.

“I know you’re awake, Baby, but go to bed,” Paloma says, gently.

“Fine,” Nursey concedes. He stretches and rolls to his feet. “Coming, Dexy?”

Dex nods, and gets to his feet. They head into Nursey’s bedroom.

“If you wanna take the bathroom first, that’d be chill,” Nursey says. “My night routine takes a bit of time.”

Dex rolls his eyes because Nursey doesn't need to tell him this; he’s spent enough roadies rooming with Nursey to know he’s meticulous about his skincare routine. Not that Foxtrot rooms them together anymore, she’s not evil like Lardo.

He kind of misses it, honestly, but he's pretty sure that has more to do with the fact that Tango snores, than it has anything to do with Nursey.

Dex grabs his toiletries and heads to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth and washes his face and then heads back to Nursey’s room, passing Nursey in the hallway on the way back. He changes into his flannel pajama pants and a Samwell Hockey t-shirt that definitely originally belonged to Holster, considering it's just a little too big to be his own.

Nursey's phone is lying in it's charger on the left side of the bed, so Dex sneaks in on the right. He stays as close to the side as possible. He knows it's not weird for teammates to share a bed when they need to - he knows Ransom and Holster have been known to share a bed even when they don't need to - but it's not really something he's ever done with Nursey.

It makes him nervous. He pulls out his phone to distract himself.

Nursey comes back into the room after a few minutes. He's wearing tracksuit pants low on his hips and a very thin Henley. He glances at Dex and noticeably swallows.

"Can I hit the lights?" he asks.

"Sure," Dex says. He hopes he sounds more sure than he feels, and berates himself for being nervous of Nursey turning off the lights.

The lights switch off, and Dex uses his phone's light to plug it into his charger. The bed rumbles as Nursey gets on it. Dex switches his phone off and the room goes black.

Dex glances over at Nursey. He can't see him, but he also can't feel him. He assumes Nursey's also as far over on his side of the bed as possible.

"Goodnight, Nursey," Dex says. He rolls over onto his stomach, facing away from Dex.

"Goodnight, Dex," Nursey says.

Dex closes his eyes. His brain immediately launches into overdrive with thoughts of his parents, and his brother, and little Siobhan realising she's not going to see Uncle Billy at Christmas this year. Dex shakes his head and buries his face in his pillow, willing his brain to shut up and let him rest.

"Hey, Dex?" Nursey whispers behind him.

Dex freezes. Was he being that obvious?

"Yeah?" Dex whispers back.

There's a pause. "Do you want to talk about why you didn't want to go home for Christmas this year?" Nursey asks.

If Nursey had asked that at the beginning of the day, Dex's brain would've responded with a loud, forceful and explicit. Now, though, his brain is just too exhausted to want to talk right now, but acknowledges it might want to in the future.

"I, uh, talked to your Mami about it," Dex says. He rolls to face the ceiling. “Don't know how she pulled it out of me.”

“She’s good at that,” Nursey says. Dex can hear the soft smile in his voice. “But, uh, you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I know we haven't really been friends, but… ive got your back, bro. About anything.”

“I know,” Dex says, surprised to find that he honestly believes it. “I might take you up on that one day. But not tonight, though, okay?”

"Okay," Nursey agrees. "I, uh, just wanted to apologise if anything I've done this year has added more stress for you. I, uh, don't really pay much attention to what's happening around me and I didn't realise you were going through so much."

And that's... not right. Nursey's definitely not the easiest person to get along with sometimes, but Dex honestly knows he's never trying to be annoying. Nursey's not the one who needs to apologise, especially not after bringing Dex to New York with him for Christmas.

  
Dex shifts around so that he can face Nursey, which is ridiculous and unnecessary since it's pitch black in the room and Dex can't see anything.

"You don't have to apologise to me," Dex says. "If anything I should apologise to you. I was so mean to you when you broke your arm, and I just avoided you instead of apologising, and yet you still invited me up here."

"It's chill," Nursey says.

"It's not, Derek," Dex says, firmly.

"It's not," Nursey agrees. "But let's not talk about it tonight."

Dex nods. "Okay," he says. "We can talk about it more tomorrow. But Nursey you have to know that I am sorry for the way I've been treating you. You obviously deserve better, and I'm going to try."

“Thank you,” Nursey says. “Really, Dex, that means a lot. Thank you.”

Dex doesn't respond, but the resulting silence is a little too awkward to be comfortable and it kind of feels like he should have respond.

“It's so weird,” he says, just to end the awkward silence. “I feel like you've been an entire different person today.”

There's a pause, long enough for Dex to wonder if Nursey's fallen asleep, or decided to pretend to fall asleep, before he speaks.

“Maybe you just haven't been looking before,” Nursey says, finally.

Dex exhales. “Maybe not,” he says. It feels like the end of the conversation, so he turns back to his other side and tugs Nursey's cover higher on the bed. “Goodnight, Nursey. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Dex,” Nursey says. “Goodnight.”

And maybe it's just his exhaustion, but Dex swears he can hear a smile in his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen I'm aware Christmas is OVER. I started this two weeks ago and then just... didn't write. I'm sorry I procrasted so much but I hope you enjoyed this despite it being late.
> 
> I do have two more chapters planned but they're not written so obviously they're gonna be late. I hope you still want them because they should hopefully be great.


	2. Christmas Day

Dex wakes up to the sound of Mariah Carey's All I want for Christmas.

For the second day in a row, he's warm and comfortable when he wakes up. It takes him a moment to realise he's so comfortable because he's New York, curled up in the bed of one Derek Malik Nurse, and then another, considerably slower, moment to realise he's so warm because he's currently lying half on top of said Derek Malik Nurse.

Dex gasps and jolts backwards as if he's been burned. His face feels like it's on fire and his heart is racing. He glances down at Nursey, who's lying peacefully on his back with his eyes closed and his phone clutched to his chest, looking far too chill for someone who, not even 2 seconds ago, had been buried under 200 pounds of d-man.

"Morning," Nursey mumbles. "Sorry my alarm woke you."

Nursey eyes are still closed. His voice is deep and rough from sleep and Dex, for some unknown reason, feels his face burn even hotter, a feat he hadn't believed possible five seconds ago. He knows that his must be completely red by now and is glad that Nursey's isn't looking at him.

"It's okay," Dex says. It comes out as a whisper, an exhalation of breath. He shakes his head and tries speaking again. "Sorry for uh... the cuddling."

Nursey's mouth twitches ever so slightly, before it relaxes back into his neutral face. It was only for a millisecond, but Dex swears Nursey was smiling at the thought of them cuddling.

"It's chill," says Nursey. "Not an altogether bad way to wake up on Christmas morning."

God, for all the good things Dex learned about Nursey yesterday, he's still so fucking annoying. There's no way Dex's blush is ever going to go down if Nursey keeps acting like this

Dex wiggles a little further back in the bed and drops down onto his stomach, his face turned so that he's still looking at Nursey.

"What time is it?" he asks.  
  
"Nearly eight," Nursey replies.

Dex frowns. It's been, like, six hours since they went to sleep. Nursey isn't a morning person - he's the kind of guy that stumbles into the Haus kitchen for breakfast at twelve noon on the day after a Kegster, bleary eyed and still in his pyjamas. Even Dex, who's been trained into being a morning person by countless early mornings spent lobster fishing, won't pass up on getting eight full hours of sleep if he can help it.

"Nurse, we were up until two," Dex groans. It's not a whine, but even Dex can admit that it's close. "Why the fuck is your alarm so early?"

Nursey rolls onto his side and opens his eyes. He's so close to Dex that Dex has to go cross-eyed to meet his eyes, but Dex can't move any further back without making things weirder than they already are. He hopes his face has returned to an appropriate colour, at least.

"There's this community group that does free meals on Christmas Day," says Nursey, quietly. "Farrah and I go every year. They start at 8:30."

Dex burrows further into the bed. Nursey is so weird sometimes. The dude spends more than half his time in bed back in the Haus and drops the majority of his spending money on overpriced hipster food, but he's suddenly willing to give up an extra few hours of sleep on Christmas for a free meal?

And Dex was just thinking he was starting to understand his d-man.

"C'mon, dude," Dex says, closing his eyes. Maybe, if he tried now, he could still get a few more hours of sleep. "Even I wouldn't give up an extra two hours of sleep for a free meal."

"Uh, " Nursey says. "We go to help distribute the food. Not to eat it."

Dex's eyes snap open.

Goddamn it, he's so fucking stupid sometimes.

"Oh," Dex says, not meeting Nursey's eyes. "That makes a lot more sense."

"Yep," Nursey says, shortly.

Dex stares blindly into space. He and Nursey were doing so well this trip. Figures he'd go and screw it up.

"So," Nursey says, into the awkward space between them. "Farrah and I will leave in about fifteen minutes. You're welcome to come with us, or to stay here. It's your call."

Dex looks back at Nursey. His face is schooled into nonchalance and indifference, but Dex can see in his eyes that this is something important to him and he's worried about Dex's reaction to it.

And Dex has already let him down.

"Uh, I'll come," Dex says. Going is suddenly the most important thing to him. "If that's okay with you."

"It's chill," Nursey says. He climbs out of the bed and stretches. The fabric of his top rides up just slightly. Dex shuts his eyes. "I'll take the first shower, yeah?"

"Okay," Dex confirms.

Dex waits until the sounds of Nursey's footsteps fade before he flops onto his back with a sigh. God, they haven't even been awake for ten minutes and he's already fucked up Christmas Day. He's going to have to put a lot of work in to make it up to him.

He reaches for his phone and realises that he's really far on Nursey's side of the bed, even though he's moved several inches back towards his own since they woke up, which means that he's the one that moved close enough to Nursey to aggressively cuddle him in the middle of the night.

Dex doesn't know what to do with that information.

He's also got three missed calls from his brother.

He doesn't know what to do with that either.

* * *

Dex and Nursey split up with Farrah once they get to the community Centre. Dex and Nursey pick up distribution packages from a friendly, pink haired girl named Kimiko, who claims to be an old friend of Nursey. The way she says it makes Dex think she's more of an old girlfriend of Nursey's rather than just a friend, but he's doesn't really care. It doesn't matter to Dex who Nursey's dated or who is is dating or who he's going to date; even if Kimiko is sunny and outgoing and basically the opposite of everything Dex is.

Nursey leads the way through New York, a stuffed shoulder bag hefted over his good shoulder, barely glancing at the deliver route Kimiko gave them as Dex pushes the trolley of food. Dex is surprised to learn that Nursey knows all the families they visit personally. He hugs the mothers, shakes hands with the fathers, and fits bumps the kids. At each house, Dex unloads the food into the kitchens, while Nursey pulls out presents from his big bag for the kids, and forces money into the palms of the parents hands. From each house, they take the kind of happiness money can't buy.

"Last stop is the Green family," says Nursey, when Dex only has one more bag on his trolley. "They've got an eight year old son named Jordan. You'll like him. He wants to be a hockey player."

"Does he play?" asks Dex. His family wasn't nearly as poor as the families they've been visiting, and it still took him ages to be able to afford hockey gear.

"There's a community league around here," Nursey explains. "They have enough gear for all the kids to play with."

"Oh, okay," says Dex. "Where did they get the funding for the gear?"

Nursey comes to a stop in front of a door, glancing at Dex out of the corner of his eye. He exhales, frowns and then knocks on the door instead of answering.

The door opens to a small black boy wearing a Falcolners' hockey hat. He beams when he sees Nursey; he's missing three of his front teeth.

"Hi Mr. Derek!" he says, bouncing on his heels. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Jordan!" says Nursey. "This is my friend, Will. Can we come in?"

"Hello, Mr. Will," says Jordan. "Come in! Come in! Mr. Derek, we won our last three hockey games! I'm playing defense, just like you."

Dex smiles. Jordan is such a sweet boy.

"Really? That's awesome, dude!" asks Nursey, holding his hand out for a high-five Jordan rapidly delivers. "I have something for you, and your sister. Where is she?"

As if on cue, a lady about Farrah's age walks in, a small girl on her hips. The girl's probably around two or three, with long dark hair, and just seeing her makes Dex think of Siobhan. His heart aches. He misses her so much. Maybe he should call his brother.

But right now, PJ's definitely already at their parents house. Dex can't.

"Hi, Jazz," Nursey greets the mother. He turns to the girl takes her tiny little hand in his large one; his fingers dwarfing hers. "And hello, Miss Felicity."

"Derek Nurse," says Jazz. "How come they always send you to come visit me?"

"Uh, because your kids love me," says Nursey. "My buddy Dex and I brought them presents. And also food, for all of you."

Jazz smiles. "Thanks, Baby," she says.

"Okay, let's see what we have in my bag," says Nursey, theatrically, reaching into his bag. He pulls out two presents wrapped in Christmas paper, and holds them out to the kids. "I think these ones are for you two."

"Thank you, Mr. Derek," says Jordan. His eyes are on his sisters box which is, admittedly, bigger than his own. Nursey either doesn't notice or doesn't care; he just grins as Jordan and Felicity tear open their presents.

"Princess Tiana!" Felicity giggles, looking at the doll in she's unwrapped.

"Oh my god," Jordan says, loud and dramatic. He's clutching white and blue material in his hands. "Is this... a Randall Robinson signed jersey?"

Nursey laughs. "Yeah, bro," he says. "I was lucky enough to meet him last year and asked him to sign that for you. A really nice guy. You know the team calls him Thirdy?"

"Thirdy," says Jordan dreamily. It's not dissimilar from the way Ransom says 'Tater'. Jordan yanks the t-shirt over his head and runs to hug Nursey. "Thank you, Mr. Derek."

Nursey grins, bright and open, the furthest from chill and unaffected Dex has ever seen and Dex wonders how he ever hated Derek Nurse.

"Uh, I'll help you put this food in the fridge, Mrs. Green," he says, mostly because he needs to distract himself from the warm feeling under his skin.

"Yo, actually, I'll help Jazz out with that Dex," says Nursey. "Can you stay here with the kids?"

Dex nods, somewhat dumbly and sinks to the couch. Felicity walks up to him and puts the Princess Tiana box in his lap.

"Open?" she asks.

Dex smiles at her. "Okay," he says, peeling the tape from the bottom of the box.

"Do you play hockey, Mr. Will?" Jordan asks, sitting next to him.

"Yes," Dex answers. Princess Tiana is wired into her box, so Dex takes out his pocket knife to free her. "I play with Derek, at Samwell."

Jordan beams. "That's awesome!' he says. "I want to play for Samwell one day, but we won't be able to afford it."

Jordan's tone isn't sad; it's matter-of-fact, accepting. Dex knows how he feels. He frees Princess Tiana and hands her to Felicity, who giggles and sits down on the floor, holding the doll to her chest.

"You could one day," Dex tells him. "If you try your best at school and sport, you could get a scholarship one day. That's how I get to play?"

Jordan smiles. "Mr. Will, you must be really good at hockey," he says. "I'll never be good enough for a scholarship."

Dex smiles, and reaches out to grasps Jordan's shoulder. "Well you've won your last three games, so you're on your way," he says. "How long have you been playing for?"

"Just a year," Jordan says. "I wanted to play before, but we didn't have any gear. And then Miss Amina and Miss Paloma... wait, do you know Miss Amina and Miss Paloma?"

Dex laughs. "Yes," he says. "I know them."

"They helped Mr. Derek buy hockey equipment for the community club!" Jordan says.

Dex blinks as he processes this. Since he's seen Nursey's Ma's home, he's realised that the Nurse's aren't as disgustingly rich as he originally thought; they're well off, of course, but they live a simple and comfortable life. For them to have dropped enough money to buy enough hockey equipment for a community club is a big deal, and he doesn't even know what other charitable things they've done as a family.

He... might need to rethink his assumptions about Nursey and money.

"Alright, all done," says Nursey, coming out of the kitchen with Jazz by his side and a smile on his face. "I think Will and I can stay a couple of minutes before we have to leave? Anyone want to play?"

He's not the same Nursey that walked into the kitchen five minutes ago.

Not to Dex.

* * *

They meet Farrah back at the community center and walk with her back to the Brownstone. On the way, Farrah and Nursey explain that their Ma and Papa take turns hosting both families for Christmas lunch, so Nursey and Farrah never have to choose which parent to see on Christmas. It seems a little weird to Dex, who has only known divorce in a mean, hateful, never-see-this-aunt-or-uncle-again kind of way, but at least he has time to prepare for it. What Farrah and Nursey neglect to tell him is that their dad's girlfriend has kids, and so Dex is surprised when they open the door to the brownstone and are immediately accosted by two young girls.

"Derek!" they shriek, hugging Nursey around the waist. "Hi, Derek!'

Nursey grins, bright, happy and not-at-all chill. Nursey looks at these girls the same way Dex thinks he looks at Siobhan, as if they're the most important things in the world.

"Hi, girls," Nursey says. "Sorry, I can't lift you up. I have a sports injury."

Nursey winks at Dex as he says it, but Dex can't even bring himself to roll his eyes or correct him. These two young girls evidently think the world of Nursey; he's not going to be the one that tells them their big brother is actually a complete human disaster.

Well, when it comes to walking, at least.

"What, am I invisible?" Farrah asks, her hands on her hips.

"Farrah!" the girls scream, as if they hadn't seen her before. They run over and hug her.

"Girls, this is my friend, Will," Nursey introduces. "Dex - my step-sisters, Katie and Sylvia."

Nursey points at them as he says their names. Katie's wearing blue and Sylvia's wearing pink. Dex repeats it to himself a couple of times, trying to train his brain to remember which is which. They're completely identical, including their haircuts; he'd never be able to tell them apart otherwise.

"Hi, Will," says Katie. Sylvia hides behind Farrah, gripping Farrah's coat with both hands.

"Hi, there," says Dex, a little awkwardly, waving at them.

"We were waiting for you for presents," Katie announces. She grabs Nursey's good hand and yanks him toward the sitting room. "Come on!"

Dex follows the Nurse siblings into the lounge room, where Paloma is sitting along with Nursey's grandfather and three people Dex doesn't know; a broad-shouldered Chinese teenager with glasses, a pretty Chinese lady with long black hair and a smiling white man with salt and pepper hair and freckles who, despite in spite of a lot of physical differences, is so obviously a grown-up, white Derek Nurse.

"Hi, Papa, Merry Christmas." Nursey says. He kisses his father on the cheek. Dex blinks. He would never do that with his dad.

"Hi, Baby. Hi, Farrah," Nursey's dad says. He turns and extends a hand to Dex. "You must be Will; Amina told me you were here for Christmas. I'm Jonathan."

"Hello, sir," Dex says, shaking his hand.

Jonathan rolls his eyes. "Jon is fine, son," he says. "This is Cynthia and Mark. You've already met the girls."

Dex looks over to where Nursey is kissing Cynthia's cheek and Farrah has Mark in a headlock. He smiles, glad to know the Nurse siblings aren't all soft emotions all the time.

"Tia Paloma, can we open presents now?" Katie asks Paloma.

"Of course, mi amor," Paloma says. "Can you go find Aunty Amina and Grandma Ife and bring them back here?"

"Okay!" Katie says. "Sylvia, come on."

Dex watches Katie pull Sylvia from the room, both giggling loudly. He glances around the room. The relationships between the people around him might be distant, but he can tell that they consider themselves a family. He's the obvious outsider - he only knows one person in this room and he wasn't even friends with that person two days ago.

He feels like he's intruding.

"Hey, Nurse," he murmurs, nudging Nursey's arm. "I'm going to pop upstairs for a bit. Text me when you guys are done with presents and I'll come down and help get lunch ready."

Nursey frowns at him, so Dex offers him what he hopes is a reassuring smile before he turns around and walks up to Nursey's room alone. He wonders if Siobhan is opening her presents back home right now, and whether his mom remembered to give her the present he'd sent through the post last month. Maybe PJ or Priyanka will have sent pictures to the family group chat - if he can work up the nerve to check it.

He grabs his laptop from his bag and sits down at Nursey's desk. He's just pressed the button to turn it on when Nursey throws the door open, far more dramatically than he needed to.

"Dex, what the fuck?" he asks.

As always, Nursey is incapable of knowing when to just fucking leave Dex alone. Some things will really never change. Dex takes a deep breath and tries to remain calm.

"Just go downstairs, Nurse," Dex says. "I'm busy."

Dex watches as the fire in Nursey's eyes rapidly flares with anger and then deflates.

"If you're worried about being awkward around presents, I guarantee you it's mostly for the kids," says Nursey, softly. "Farrah and I get like, one gift each. So you don't have to feel weird about not giving anyone anything or not receiving much."

"I'm not worried about..." Dex snaps, trailing off as the rest of Nursey's sentence sinks in. "Wait, not receiving much?"

Nursey bites his lip. "Don't yell at me," he says. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a package, wrapped in Samwell-red. He holds it out to Dex.

Dex stares at it. Honestly, Nursey is always so much. He's already done way too much even inviting Dex to this Christmas in the first place, getting him a gift too is almost insultingly nice.

"I can't accept that," he says, reflexively.

"It's monogrammed," Nursey says, not moving his hand. "So unless you know anyone else with the initials WJP, it's yours, buddy."

Dex raises an eyebrow as he takes it. "When did you possibly have time to get a personalised gift done?"

Nursey shrugs. "Got it done ages ago," he says. "I was going to leave it on the kitchen table for you when I left but... Getting to give it to you like this is much better anyway."

Dex blinks. Nursey bumps the gift into his hand and his body takes it automatically, his brain too busy processing the fact that, despite everything, Nursey was still going to leave him a gift at Samwell. Dex stares down at the paper, his name scrawled across the front in Nursey's elegant script, exhales and then rips the paper open.

Pyjamas fall into his lap. They're simple, made from dark blue flannel - with long sleeves and legs and a pressed collar at the neck. His initials are embroidered onto the breastplate in bright blue; the font exactly the same as his nameplate on the door of his basement bungalow. He traces his fingers over the J.

"I heard you telling Chow it was cold in the basement," Nursey says, almost shyly. When Dex looks up at him, he's not looking back; he's instead playing with a loose string on his shirt. "Thought they might be useful."

Dex somehow feels guiltier. He's the one that made the choice to move into the basement, and Nursey's trying to make it more comfortable for him? It's kind, and thoughtful, and more observant than Dex thought Nursey had been.

"They're great," says Dex. His voice comes out thick and gravelly. He swallows. "Really, thank you, Nursey. I just wish I had thought to get you something too."

Nursey smiles, a soft, fond little thing. It's a good look on him.

"It's okay," Nursey says. "You can get me something for my birthday and we'll call it even."

Dex nods, and looks back down at the material in his hands, rubbing it between his fingertips, thinking of everything it represents between him and Nursey.

"Now will you come downstairs and watch my siblings open their presents?" Nursey asks.

Dex sighs and looks up. "I just thought I should give you some time with your family," he says. "I've already taken up enough of everyone's time as it is."

Nursey shakes his head. Dex wants to call the expression on his face fond, but that's not really a term he thinks he can use in regards to them quite yet.

"You being downstairs won't stop me from spending time with my family, Dex." he says. "Stop overthinking it. Just come hang out with us."

Dex still isn't convinced, but the look Nursey's giving him doesn't really leave room for arguments. It reminds him of Chowder's goalie face, only less terrifying.

"Okay," he says, eventually.

Nursey grins.

* * *

Once the time presents are opened, Dex joins Paloma, Cynthia and Nursey's grandmother in the kitchen to help get the food ready. There's a lot of dishes that he can't identify, as well as some Christmas classics that Dex really hopes haven't been sourced specifically for him. He doesn't really know how to help cooking wise, no one in Nursey's family seems to use recipes, but Nursey's grandmother gets him onto putting food into serving bowls and taking them out to the tables that Nursey and Mark have set up in the living room.

Once the food is ready, they take their seats. Dex sits next to Nursey, who kindly explains what each dish is and serves more food onto Dex's plate than he would have taken himself. Their arms brush every time they move. Katie asks Dex to pull her bonbon with her and he asks Sylvia to help pull his. She shyly accepts, and then grins brighter when both her brothers hold theirs in her direction. They put their silly paper hats on and read their jokes, laughing at them even though they aren't really all that funny. Jonathan pours wine, winking at Nursey and Dex as he fills their glasses. Amina walks along the table, trying her hardest to convince everyone to serve more food onto their plates. Paloma says Grace.

Dex glances around the table, warmth filling him up from the inside. A few hours with them and he already feels so much different to how he did in the living room earlier. Just as they've accepted each other as family regardless of what vague connection they have to each other, they've accepted him too. It's impossible to feel like an outsider in this room, especially with Nursey's warmth pressed all up his side. Dex is thankful to be spending Christmas with them.

He's glad to be spending it with Nursey.

* * *

After lunch, the "kids" - a word which, according to Nursey's family, means anyone that doesn't have kids of their own and therefore includes twenty eight year old Farrah - settle in the living room. Sylvia and Katie put on an animated movie they apparently got for Christmas and practically sit on top of Nursey on the couch to watch it. Farrah and Mark grab the two armchairs, leaving Dex to squeeze onto the other side of the couch.

Halfway through the movie, Dex's phone lights up with a call from his sister-in-law. His heart stops.

The thing is, Priyanka Poindexter practically never calls him. As far as Dex knows, she never calls anyone if she can help it; he's pretty sure she taught Gram how to text just so she wouldn't have to call. Priyanka's only called him three times the entire time he's known her, and someone has been in the hospital every single time.

Every nerve in his body is on edge. What if something happened to PJ? What if something happened to Siobhan? What if something happened to one of his parents? What if something happened and he's never going to see a member of his family again?

His phone goes dark for a moment as the call rings out. Then it lights up again, Priyanka's face lighting up his screen again. Dex takes a deep breath and gets to his feet, answering the phone as soon as he's out of the living room.

"Priyanka?" he asks. "Is everything okay?"

"Hey, Billy, what's your address?" asks a voice that's decidedly not Priyanka Poindexter's.

Dex sighs. He was doing so well at avoiding his brother, just to be tricked like this. At least no one's dead, he supposes.

"PJ?" Dex asks.

"Yes, Billy, who else would it be?" PJ says, impatiently. "What's your address?"

Dex frowns. He starts climbing the stairs to Nursey's room. "Why?" he asks.

"I need to know where to send your Christmas present to," PJ explains. "Merry Christmas, by the way. Thanks for telling me you weren't coming home. I've had to deal with a very disappointed three year old, crying that she didn't get to see Uncle Billy like she was promised."

In spite of the part of his brain that's been freaking out since his phone rang, Dex can't help but smile at the thought of his baby niece missing him. Siobhan is the best damn thing in his life, and it almost killed him to choose to spend the holidays without her.

"William," PJ says, exasperated, snapping Dex out of his thoughts. "Your address."

"151 Jason St, Samwell, Massachusetts," Dex says, automatically.

"Hmmm," PJ hums. "That's funny because I'm at 151 Jason St, Samwell, Massachusetts, and yet, you're not here?"

It takes a few moments for Dex's brain to properly process that. He shuts the door to Nursey's room and slides down the wall to sit on the floor. His heart is thumping in his chest. He exhales and tries not to panic.

"I'm at work," Dex lies.

"So, if we wait here, you'll eventually come home?" PJ asks.

It's not a question. Dex's brain is screaming.

"No," Dex admits, defeated.

"So where are you?" PJ asks.

Dex tries to rack his brain for a reasonable lie but he think straight. "New York City?" he says, the words coming out like a question.

"New York City?" PJ asks, incredulously. "Billy, what the fuck...? Priya?! Are you up to driving to New York City, babe?"

Dex's brain starts screaming even louder.

"Wait, what, no!" Dex yells. "It's already 5pm and traffic will be terrible, you won't even get here until like 9pm, and it's Christmas, you can't let Siobhan spend her Christmas sitting in the car and..."

And there's no way that PJ Poindexter can ever meet Derek Nurse.

"Billy, breathe," PJ says. Dex does. "It's Christmas, we just want to see you."

The screaming in Dex's brain dies down, just a little bit. It's incredibly out of character, but it's honestly sweet that PJ's putting in so much effort to try and see him. PJ and Will, they're not like Nursey and Farrah. They're siblings, and they've always had each other's backs, but they've never really been friends.

Dex takes a deep breath and tries to think clearly.

"I don't think there's any way we can safely make it happen tonight," Dex says. "I'll be back at Samwell tomorrow. Were you guys planning to stay nearby or drive back ho... back to mom and dad's?"

"We were planning to crash with you," PJ says.

Dex pinches the bridge of his nose and loudly exhales. PJ has never made a convenient plan in his entire life. Dex is disappointed in his sister-in-law though. He had thought Priyanka was smarter than that.

"Okay," he says. "No one should get back to the Haus in the next few days. You can stay there, and I'll come back early tomorrow to see you. The key is under the doormat. My room is in the basement but for the love of fuck don't let Siobhan sleep there. I'll text someone to ask if you can use their room."

"Your room is in the basement?" PJ asks. "I thought you shared with that Nurse kid."

Dex's chest feels constricted. He never told his family that he moved into the basement, because he'd been ashamed of giving in. Now he's ashamed of the move for a whole different reason.

PJ doesn't need to know that though.

"Nope," he says, simply.

"Huh," says PJ. "Priya, Billy says we can stay here and he'll be back tomorrow. Says the keys under the mat. Lord, Billy, the death glare she's giving you right now for keeping the key there."

Dex rolls his eyes. "I'll see you both tomorrow, then?" he asks.

"Yeah, see you then, bro," PJ says. "And, uh, Will? I love you, okay?"

Dex's heart literally stops for a second; it does, he swears. Patrick James Poindexter has never, ever, in the entirety of his life as a big brother, admitted to loving William Jacob Poindexter in a way that didn't involve beating someone up - usually Will.

"Did," Dex starts, trailing off when his voice comes out thick and choked. He takes a deep breath and tries again. "Did Priyanka tell you to say that?"

"Yeah, she did," PJ admits, startling a surprised laugh out of Dex. "But that doesn't mean it's not true."

Dex's vision goes blurry with tears and he furiously tries to blink them back. He doesn't know what to think. On one hand, he's touched by everything PJ has done for him today - leaving the Poindexter Christmas party early just so Dex wouldn't be alone on Christmas and actually telling Dex, with words, that he loves him but on the other hand he just can't shake the thought that PJ wouldn't be doing all of this if he knew.

"Thank you," Dex says. "I love you too."

He fails to bite back the sob. He's never said it before, but he means it. No matter what PJ has done and what PJ may do, and no matter how much Dex has changed since he got to Samwell, some part of him is still the baby toddler that followed his big brother around the house, looking at him as if he was the greatest thing on Earth.

"Cool," says PJ. Dex rolls his eyes. PJ's clearly exhausted his quota of emotional intelligence for the day. "I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye," says Dex.

He hangs up the phone, sinks onto the ground and starts crying.

He's trying to stay quiet, but he can't help sobbing. He loves his family so much, he always has, and he's so goddamn scared he's going to lose them.

By the time someone knocks on the door, Dex has stopped crying and got his breathing back to normal. He's sure his eyes are red, but he can't really do anything about it now.

"Come in," he says.

Nursey gently pushes the door open and walks into the room. He sits on the floor in front of Dex.

"You okay?" Nursey asks.

"Yeah," Dex says.

Nursey, bizarrely, doesn't push. He just keeps looking at Dex; his hands making small aborted movements like he can't figure out whether he's allowed to touch him or not.

Dex reaches his hand out.

Nursey takes it.

"That was my brother," Dex explains. "Apparently he's in Samwell. They're staying at the Haus tonight. Can my niece use your room? She's three, I don't want her in the basement. If not, I can call Chow and check..."

"She can sleep in my room," Nursey says. "It's fine."

"Thanks," Dex says. He takes out his phone and texts PJ to stay in Nursey's room. "I'll have to book the earliest train to get back."

Nursey's fingers flex. "I can ask Farrah to leave early," Nursey says. "If she can't, I'll book a train with you."

Dex's eyes snap up to Nursey's. He knows everything about this weekend has been too much, but that's far too much. Nursey's only been allowed a precious few days with his family, Dex could never ask him to cut that short.

"No," he says. "You shouldn't leave early for me."

"It's okay," Nursey says, with a shrug. "I've got your back."

Dex really considers taking that option for a moment. Facing his brother will be scary, but it might be less scary with Nursey by his side.

But he can't.

"No," he says, again. "Really, I appreciate it, but I'd really like to do this myself. Don't change your plans. It'll be easier with an empty Haus."

It's a complete lie, but Dex thinks his voice is clear enough to be convincing.

"You sure?" Nursey asks.

He's not. He nods anyway.

"Yeah, man," says Dex.

Nursey nods. "Okay," he says. "Ready to come downstairs?"

"Give me a minute?" Dex asks.

Nursey nods. He squeezes Dex's hand again before letting go.

He closes the door on his way out. Dex buries his face in his hands.

* * *

It's quiet in the house after Nursey's dad's family goes home. Nursey's grandma makes a strong effort to convince them to eat dinner, but everyone is far too full from Christmas lunch to even consider it.

Eventually, Nursey decides they need to go out and see New York, although Dex thinks it's mostly meant to distract him from his earlier phone call. Farrah claims she's too tired, so Nursey and Dex rug up in their coats, hats, scarves and gloves and head into the snow to catch the subway to Central Park together.

Dex's breath catches as he steps into the cold air of the park. It's busy as hell, with couples and families and groups of friends rushing around and talking loudly, but it's still somehow magical. The twinkling lights create an ethereal glow, the sense of enchantment only heightened by the actual snow that swirls around.

"Do you want something to drink?" Nursey asks. "Cider? Eggnog? Hot Chocolate?"

Dex is sorely tempted - a hot drink would complete the picture perfectly - but he's unfortunately still far too full from lunch to even think about putting any more food or drink in his body. He shakes his head.

"Too full," he says to Nursey.

Nursey nods. "Yeah, same," he agrees. "Do you want to watch the carolers?"

"Yeah, okay," says Dex.

Nursey reaches down and links their hands together. "Don't want to lose you," he says, with a wink.

It should be obnoxious. It is obnoxious. Dex is a little charmed by it anyway.

They make their way over to the carolers, Nursey zig-zags through the crowds like only a New Yorker can, and stand, pressed together shoulder to shoulder, listening. The group is singing acapella, and they're pretty good as far as Dex can tell. He thinks it might be something Holster would enjoy - if Holster wasn't Jewish and always griping about how no one ever sings any Jewish songs around the holidays.

Nursey leans over, pressing their shoulders even more firmly together. "I wanted to join this group when I was a kid," he says. "Well, a previous iteration of them. There was this one dude who beatboxed for them? Five year old Derek thought he was the coolest person ever."

Dex glances at Nursey, surprised by him opening up like this and actually telling Dex something personal. Nursey usually wears his chill so carefully, so hesitant to show anyone how vulnerable he really is if he can help it.

Dex thinks it's nice, to see Nursey like this. He's glad that, after everything, Nursey's trusting him with something like this.

"So, what happened?" Dex says, his voice coming out a soft murmur. "Why are you on the hockey team instead of the acapella society?"

Nursey shrugs. "I can't beatbox to save my life," he admits. "Inherited my sense of rhythm from my dad, I guess."

Dex snorts. "As someone that's fully white, I feel like I should be offended," he says, nudging his shoulder against Nursey's.

"As someone who's seen you dancing at parties, I feel you have no right to be," Nursey says, nudging back.

Dex glares at him and Nursey giggles delightedly. Dex immediately finds his face relaxing into something fond. Nursey's eyes are shining bright with mirth, and the overhead lights are glinting off his curls, and Dex has always known that Nursey's good looking - has known that even since before he even considered liking boys - but like this, "good looking" doesn't even begin to describe how Nursey looks.

He looks ethereal, untouchable. He looks perfect.

Dex might be the tiniest bit in love with him.

Dex shivers under Nursey's gaze.

"Cold?" Nursey asks, breaking the moment.

Dex nods, thankful for the excuse. He's embarrassed of his thought process. Sure, Nursey's objectively beautiful - and he's kind and generous and good - but he's also pushy and annoying and pretentious, isn't he? Dex can't afford to forget that.

And besides, he can't be in love with him, not even a little bit. In twenty-four hours they'll be back at the Haus and ignoring each other again. It doesn't make any sense to claim your in love with someone just because they've been fun and interesting for a few days, especially someone like Nurse.

Nursey pulls off his own scarf, stepping closer to Dex to wrap it tightly around his neck. He's entirely too close; Dex can see snowflakes settling on his eyelashes.

"Now you're gonna be cold, dumbass," Dex chirps. His voice comes out thicker than intended.

"Nah," says Nursey. "New Yorkers can handle the cold."

"Nurse," Dex deadpans. "I'm from Maine."

"And yet, you're cold," Nursey says. He glances at his watch. "Come on, I wanna show you the tree at Rockefella before we have to head home."

Nursey grabs his hand again, and begins to pull him out of the park. They don't talk as they walk through the crowds - couples and families and friends all enjoying the Christmas decorations just like them. No one even looks at them. Dex can't really believe it; they would stick out like a sore thumb back in Maine.

But they're not back in Maine.

Eventually, the tree Rockefeller tree comes into the view. It's the biggest tree he's ever seen; it rises up into the air, bright and shiny and festive. It takes his breath away.

"Wow," Dex breathes.

"Yeah?" Nursey asks.

Dex glances over at Nursey to see the smile on his face. He can't help but smile back. When he first met Nursey, he'd thought it was so pretentious how much Nursey romanticised New York, but he kind of gets it now. New York is a beautiful place, and it's Nursey's home; he has every right to love it and be proud of it.

"Yeah," Dex confirms. He squeezes Nursey's hand.

"Chill," says Nursey, his smile getting even bigger. "Let's get a bit closer to it."

Nursey pulls him toward the tree, it's even more stunning up close, and takes out his phone.

"Selfie?" he asks.

Dex rolls his eyes. "You don't want me ruining your aesthetic, Nurse," he says.

Nursey rolls his eyes right back. "Whatever asshole," he says, moving to stand next to Dex and putting out his arm. "Just smile at the camera and pretend you're having a good time."

And maybe it's the warmth of Nursey against his side, or the brightness of the tree behind them, or the sound of the Christmas music that fills the air, but Dex is suddenly filled with the desire to be open and brave, for once in his life.

"Don't have to pretend, asshole," he says.

Nursey takes at least fifteen shots - they all featuring Dex's bright pink cheeks and Nursey's bright, radiant smile.

Chowder's never used quite so many exclamation points as he does in his reply.

* * *

The brownstone is dark when they get back. It's quiet, and the only bedroom door still open is Nursey's. Nursey and Dex split up at the top of the stairs; Dex takes the bathroom first, while Nursey changes into his pyjamas.

When Dex gets back into the room, he grabs his old pyjamas from the closet before he pauses, throws them back in his bag, and pulls on the pyjamas Nursey gave him instead. They're softer than any pyjamas he's ever worn, and they make him feel warm all over. He opens the door of Nursey's closet and looks at himself in the full-length mirror. He has to admit it's a good colour on him; the dark navy plays a nice contrast to his hair and skin. He wonders if Nursey thought of that when he bought them.

His fingers absently trace the initials on the breastplate. They really are just like the initials on the door of his basement bungalow back at the Haus. He wishes Nursey hadn't done that, hadn't tainted the cloth with that memory.

"Oh, wow," Nursey says, quietly from behind him. "Those look great on you."

Dex wheels around, his face heating up. He hadn't even heard Nursey come back in, but there he is, in the doorway to the room, standing without a shirt like an asshole, looking at Dex with the softest damn look in his eyes.

Dex's heart speeds up, traitorously. He knows he must be as red as a tomato.

"Sorry," Nursey says, looking away. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"No, it's okay," Dex rushes to say. He keeps his eyes on Nursey's face, refusing to look at his naked chest, too scared of what his reaction will be. "I really like them. Thank you, again. You didn't have to."

Nursey grins at him. "You're welcome," he says.

"You probably need them more than me though," Dex says, gesturing towards Nursey. The delivery might fall a little flat, but Dex is still proud of his brain's ability to even come up with a chirp at a time like this.

"Oh," Nursey says, and is it just Dex or do his cheeks look a little more red than usual? "Sorry, I accidentally splashed water on it and needed to change it. I'll just..."

He gestures to the closet and Dex steps to the side to let him through. Nursey's body is way too close to his. He wonders if Nursey can hear his heart beating.

He quickly walks over to the bed and gets into his side. Nursey throws on a shirt and sits down on the bed too

"So you really had a good day today?" Nursey asks, sounding a little cautious.

"Absolutely," says Dex. "It was a really great, Christmas. Thank you."

Nursey grins. "It's chill," Nursey says. "I'm glad you liked it."

Dex glances over at Nursey, and finds that Nursey's already looking at him. There's some emotion in his green eyes that simultaneously panics and calms Dex, but Dex doesn't know what is is.

"I, uh, don't really want to leave tomorrow," Dex says. It's uncharacteristically honest, but Dex figures that Nursey deserves to hear it. "And not just because my brothers waiting for me back at the Haus."

Nursey bites his lip, his eyes scanning Dex's face. Dex doesn't know what he's looking for, but he hopes Nursey finds it.

"Maybe, when we get back, we can..." Nursey starts. He trails off, takes a deep breath and tries again. "Maybe we can take this Christmas truce back with us. I know it won't be the same as being here but..."

"But it'll be better than going back to whatever the fuck we were doing before we left?" Dex suggests. Nursey nods. "Yeah, I'm open to the Christmas truce coming back with us to Samwell."

"Chill," says Nursey, with the smallest grin on his face.

Dex has to force himself to roll his eyes. He does so, just so he doesn't have to think about what it would mean to have this kind of relationship with Nursey even when they're back in Samwell.

"Well, we should probably go to bed," he says.

"Yeah," Nursey echoes. "Probably. Goodnight, Dex."

"Goodnight," Dex says, turning around and getting comfortable as Nursey hits the light.

"Oh, and Poindexter?" Nursey says into the darkness, his voice quiet but clear. "If you want to cuddle again tonight, I'm not saying no."

Dex hits him with his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup bitches, it's your girl Rae. I procrastinated on writing this more than I've ever procrastinated on anything in my life. "Christmas" ends on Sunday and the third and final chapter definitely won't be ready by then. Maybe by next Christmas if we're lucky.
> 
> Also I forgot about Nursey's broken arm - which is the whole reason Nursey was at the Haus late enough to invite Dex up - approximately 3000 times while writing this chapter. There have been many revisions of this, including one where Kimiko said "Yes, William. I won't let the bad, scary eggs scramble me in your absence".
> 
> Thanks to everyone for their support so far! Love you all!


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